Message-ID:	<c=GB%a=_%p=Indigo_Active_Vi%l=CRIANLARICH-970506090326Z-954@crianlarich.Indigo>
From:	Robert Humphris <r DOT humphris AT indigo-avs DOT com>
To:	"'djgpp AT delorie DOT com'" <djgpp AT delorie DOT com>,
	"'tudor AT cam DOT org'"
	<tudor AT cam DOT org>,
	"'Danny Boy'" <dwitte AT innotts DOT co DOT uk>, "'Justin'"
	<jwc AT expert DOT de>,
	"'Neil'" <naily AT innotts DOT co DOT uk>, "'Paul'"
	<paul AT hedonism DOT demon DOT co DOT uk>
To:	"'Phil'" <taylorp AT ncp DOT gpt DOT co DOT uk>, "'Rod'" <stringerr AT logica DOT com>,
	"'Steff'"
	<S DOT Buj AT nortel DOT co DOT uk>, "'stew AT home'" <oller AT innotts DOT co DOT uk>,
	"'Surfing Man'" <rhitchcock AT pobox DOT co DOT uk>
Subject:	RE: Beta and Alpha
Date:	Tue, 6 May 1997 10:03:26 +0100
Encoding:	96 TEXT

>Michael M. wrote:
>> 
>> I hear about beta and alpha software.  What is the difference, if any,
>> between the two?  Is it the stage in the development process?

The software engineering process follows several process stages...
You have the stage of feasibility study, this is where a set of test
programs prove that something is possible
the managers and accountants then drag their heels until another company
( like the one I work for ) brings
the full product to market.
Then the design stage, where people sit around in meeting rooms dragging
out each point of the design aspect
so that they don't have to do any 'real' work apart from drink coffee,
argue pedantically about minor points of
functionality etc. and occasionally read their office mail.
The next stage is that of the system development, engineers will fly
into a frenzy writing code or designing odd looking
bits of electronic equipment, for hours on end.  They will work 12 hour
days and walk round the place being extremely
rude and obtuse,( because they are working so hard )... throughout this
stage there will be phase reviews where the
following points will be raised
Management: It is all taking too long, and there are not enough
Engineers pulling their weight
Marketing: It is all taking too long, our potential customers are losing
interest, and possible market shares are being lost
on a daily basis
Accounts: It is all taking too long, and costing too much
Engineering: There is not enough time to do it all, and anyway the
product is crap as it has not been designed properly
and everybody is working so hard, can they get overtime pay/ a raise?

Eventually a product is rushed out for some fictional deadline, this is
the ALPHA stage.  ALPHA software is shaky at
best, and only released by the engineers to 'show' the others what
happens if you mess them around.  ALPHA
software is sent to the QA ( Quality Assurance ) Team for testing and
bug finding, it will almost certainly be rejected
within the first hour of being assessed.  Engineering will then turn to
the 'others' snarling at them saying that this is
exactly what happens when you rush things, and that because of their
meddling they will now go over deadline by at
least a month.

After at least 20 unsuccessful attempts, the QA department will
authorise the ALPHA software for testing.  They will
return a huge bug report, as if their job hinged on purely the volume
that they produced.  Often the bugs will have nothing
to do with the ALPHA software its self, faults like 'Windows crashes'
will be reported, the fact that the ALPHA stuff was not 
running at the time has nothing to do with it... a bug is a bug and its
their job to report them.

Using the bug report, the engineers rip their software to pieces, screw
the functionality, and put massive bug ridden fixes in their functions
just to get rid of this crap piece of software, they will then start to
loose what little interest in the project that
they have, and start lobbying managers of other projects that look more
interesting.  It is at this point that one of the
engineers, who considers his or her self to be 'key' to the whole
project threatens to leave, they meet no opposition and go,
vowing that "this will show them exactly who is vital here", their
absence goes completely un-noticed, and the project finally
passes through to BETA stage

BETA software is distributed to customers who are BETA Testers.  To
become a BETA tester you have to ask the producers of a company if you
can be one.  They will say yes and you have to sign an NDA ( non
disclosure agreement )
which means something or other.  The software you then receive will be
fundamentally crap, and as a BETA tester it is
your job to tell them.  The company will ignore your protestations
unless you are a really big customer.

If at least 20% of the BETA testers do not complain too much the product
will be released and fail. Management will blame
the engineers, Marketing will blame the engineers, Accounts will blame
the engineers, and the Engineers will blame Management, Marketing and
Accounts, but will be happy to be rid of that crap project.

I hope this clears up any of the confusion that some of you may have
had.

Oh yes, in case you are interested I was the engineer who left vowing
that "this will show them exactly who is vital here", it
did not, but at least I am now working for a company where the above
don't happen!

Rob Humphris
r DOT humphris AT indigo-avs DOT com

And I state for the record:  The views printed above are solely those of
the author, if you wish to share in them go ahead.

>

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